Money can be one of the biggest pressure points in a relationship. Whether you’re just starting out or managing investments together, being able to talk honestly about money can bring you closer or push you apart.
Acknowledging the Problem
The truth is, money stress can wreck relationships. In Australia, it’s one of the top reasons couples split. But it’s not just about how much you earn. It’s more about whether your values, comfort with risk, and future plans line up.
If one of you loves spending and the other prefers to save, that doesn’t have to be a deal-breaker. It’s how you work through those differences that really counts.
A good place to start is by asking, “What do we value when it comes to money?” That one question can open up conversations that save a lot of trouble down the track.
Understanding Each Other’s Money Style
We all grow up with different experiences around money. Maybe you were raised to save every cent, while your partner never had to think twice about spending. That shapes how you each handle finances today.
One of you might be all about budgeting and long-term investing, while the other finds joy in living in the moment and spending on experiences. Neither is wrong. The goal isn’t to change each other but to find a balance that works for both of you.
Start by figuring out if you’re more of a spender or a saver, and whether your partner sees things the same way. Do you both feel good about how financial decisions are made?
That level of understanding helps build trust, and trust is everything when it comes to managing money together.
Creating Shared Goals
Once you understand your individual styles, the next step is building a shared plan. This doesn’t have to be complicated. It can be as simple as agreeing on a few goals for the next few years.
Are you planning to buy a home? Thinking about kids? Want to build a retirement fund?
If you never have these chats, you might end up working towards completely different futures. But if you’re pulling in the same direction, it’s a lot easier to stay motivated and avoid resentment.
Keep the Focus on Communication, Not Control
Money talks can easily turn into power struggles—who earns more, who makes the calls, who has the final say. That’s when things go off the rails.
Healthy relationships measure contribution in more than just dollars. There’s time, emotional support, parenting, housework, and simply being there for each other.
Take the partner who stays home with the kids. They might not have a wage coming in, but they’re supporting the family in ways that allow the other to earn. That’s real value.
One handy idea? Set up personal spending accounts for each of you. That gives both partners freedom without guilt and avoids the trap of needing to ask permission.
Talking About Risk
Investing as a couple brings up the question of risk. Are you both comfortable with the ups and downs? What if one wants to go big on shares while the other prefers something safer?
Like choosing dinner—you might want Thai, your partner’s thinking Italian. You won’t always agree, but you can find a middle ground.
If you’ve got a self-managed super fund (SMSF) together, getting on the same page is even more important. Each person’s comfort with risk needs to be reflected in the investment strategy. Otherwise, conflict is almost guaranteed.
Should You Combine Finances?
There’s no one right answer. Some couples find joint accounts make things easier. Others prefer a mix of joint and separate accounts for more freedom.
Pros:
- Easier to manage joint expenses
- Can make investing or buying property simpler
- Helps build a shared approach to long-term goals
Cons:
- One person might feel stuck if the other earns more
- Risk of losing financial independence
- Can create tension if spending habits clash
The key is fairness, not a perfect 50/50. Sometimes it’s about contributing what you can, based on your situation.
Set Expectations Early
Moving in together means your money choices now affect someone else. That’s a big shift.
Set a few ground rules early on. Things like:
- Monthly spending limits
- Savings targets
- How often you check in on your money plans
The idea isn’t to be each other’s financial boss. You’re a team. Make the rules together and review them as things change.
And when life throws a curveball—like a surprise bill or family needing support—talk it through straight away. A hard chat now is better than a blow-up later.
Life Changes, So Stay Flexible
Your roles and responsibilities will shift over time. Maybe one of you is the main breadwinner now, but that might change in a few years. Flexibility is key.
Support each other through career moves and life changes. Sometimes you’ll be the one earning more. Other times you’ll be the one stepping back to give your partner space to grow.
It’s not about keeping score. It’s about investing in each other’s future the same way you invest your money.
Final Thoughts: How to Talk About Money in Relationships
Money and relationships are long games. When you treat them with care, they’re your strongest foundation. Ignore them, and they can fall apart fast.
One of the quickest ways to lose wealth is through a messy breakup. But solid communication, shared goals, and mutual respect can help you avoid that.
So how to talk about money in relationships? Start early. Be open. Keep the conversations going. Build your financial life together, not at the expense of each other.
If you’re serious about building a strong financial future as a couple, head to www.wealthplaybook.com.au and get your hands on the book.
